AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
