...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
