i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
