if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
