um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
