"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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