I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
