We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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