Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
