Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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