There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
