I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
