i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
