You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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