I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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