The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
