yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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