I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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