I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
