A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
