I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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