I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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