He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
