jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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