You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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