We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
