someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
