never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
