Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
