He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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