I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
