I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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