it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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