Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
