If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
