Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
