dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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