how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
