The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
