pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
