The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
