I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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