Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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