Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
