Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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