haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
