You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
