The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
