Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Life without a bra equals bliss.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
