so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
