I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm getting married
To pizza
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
