I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she looked like the before picture.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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